Quotes Thread

[Neferti]

Here you go, post some quotes that make you smile!

I shall begin ....

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

I am not young enough to know everything.
Oscar Wilde
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Oscar Wilde
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.
Oscar Wilde
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act III
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Oscar_Wilde

[Black Orchid]

"Once a dickhead ... always a dickhead"

Anon

[Neferti]

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?




I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.




When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.




Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?





America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.




You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.




My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.




I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.




Money talks ... But all mine ever says is good-bye.




You're not fat, you're just easier to see.




If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.




I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?�




I can't understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."





Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!





The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.




I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.





Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!





The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie, were all single. The only married person was Otis and he stayed drunk.




Now, go have a nice day, or whichever kind of day you want.

[Black Orchid]

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

[Neferti]

Great Timeless Truths

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.
John Adams

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of government. But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat, French economist (1801-1850)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
Pericles (430 BC.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap...except when government does it.
Anonymous

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save government.
Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas Jefferson

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Aesop

[mellie]

Some hilarious one's in there Nef.

[The Mechanic]

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

I heard that Aussie may have married himself ...

[Neferti]

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

I heard that Aussie may have married himself ...

I heard that his TIB hated his scruffy look and moved out. Nobody likes him.