Masculinity in the New Age?

[Black Orchid]

While many women around the world have spoken up as part of the #MeToo movement, calling Time's Up on sexual harassment, many men are feeling confused, blamed and excluded.

For the past 20 years David Mallard has convened the Melbourne Men's Group and has noticed an increase in the number of men feeling confused.

"They're not quite sure what they're supposed to be or how they're supposed to act," he said.

Hail the rise of cat men, an antidote to toxic masculinity

The 59-year-old said while women's roles were changing, masculinity was in a state of confusion, with many men left asking what it meant to be a man.

"The old 'Aussie bloke' masculinity, as it has been for the last 100 years or so, isn't cutting it in the current environment," he said.

While many of the nearly 600 participants in the various groups were on average 40 years old, millennial men were also feeling confused.

David Mallard's 24-year-old son Sean Mallard said at times many of his university peers had felt like second-class citizens.

"The narrative on campus is that men's feelings and men's issues are just ignored and swept away because it's time for female empowerment," he said

While the electronics engineering and computer science graduate and his father agreed it was important for women to speak out about sexual harassment and assault, both agreed men should not be left behind in the change.

"As the change program washes through, all the messaging is about women and the difficulties women face, and we've got to go through this together. It's not either/or, it's both," David Marland said.

Writer and social commentator Jane Caro said that while she understood those feelings, historically men had taken up the majority of the space in public conversations for most of the time.

"So, it's a new feeling for them to find that there is a public conversation going on … this is new territory and new territory is always hard," she said.

"As more women take up more space and as their concerns take up more space, particularly in the public conversation and public life, men are having to take up a little less space, and that's always an uncomfortable place to be."

[Black Orchid]

Disconnect between expectations and socialisation


David Mallard recalled the relative simplicity of his father's generation when roles were "very distinct and hard wired" and expectations were clear.

He said although roles had completely changed, little had changed in the way boys and men were socialised.

We have talked plenty about "protecting" girls, so let's talk about educating boys.
"There's a disconnect and a mismatch between expectations of men and how we produce men," he said.

"You get men at the end of the sausage factory and they're blokes who aren't really set up for success in the context of the new world we're in, in terms of changing roles."

He said this lack of success was reflected in the fact men made up an average six out of eight suicides every day in Australia.

"Three times the rate of women," David Mallard said.

He said this was largely due to men being ill equipped in dealing with their emotions, thus lacking a voice and not being able to articulate their experiences.

"Men get socialised into wearing an emotional straightjacket."

Ms Caro acknowledged the destructive effects of "gender policing", particularly for boys, but said feminists had been prominent in their fight against this.

"What we need is men supporting feminism, not arguing against it, because when men support feminism, that makes the breaking down and the dismantlement of the painful part of patriarchy for men much quicker and easier."

New age feminism is not the same as its initial roots. It's very different and should men be supporting this?

[Black Orchid]

While it was important to address the reality of men's violence, David Mallard said the challenges of understanding masculinity required a balanced approach.

"There's got to be a shared narrative somewhere, and I think there's a sense of men-shaming I suppose," he said.

Sean Mallard said this was certainly the case on campus, with often a vocal and dominating minority of women setting the agenda, and while he appreciated a robust discussion with differing opinions, he called for more respect.

"There is a lack of respect for your peers — women not respecting men," he said.

But Ms Caro said it was important if men wanted to get involved in the discussion, that they listened and learned about what it was like being a woman.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-04-10/m ... ed/9633154

I think both sexes need to wake up. On the one side we have men who think it is ok for other 'men' to play contact sport with their daughters and on the other side we have women hating on men just to try feel some sort of power over them by demeaning them.

Men have roles and women have roles and there is absolutely no need to swap or cross those roles.

We are made male and female for a balance and to come together as such. Not to pit strength against strength and will against will just to feel some sort of power over the opposite sex.

What's wrong with respecting each other's strengths and/or weaknesses and coming together to make a whole. A whole that neither sex can make on its own. Men and women fit together and together they grow stronger. What the hell is wrong with that?

[BigP]

Women are just effeminate men without dicks lol

[Black Orchid]

But by that reasoning women can always compensate in that area lol

[Neferti]

About 20 years ago they were called "SNAGS" - Sensitive New Age Guys. I worked with one bloke who called himself that.

[sprintcyclist]

While it was important to address the reality of men's violence, David Mallard said the challenges of understanding masculinity required a balanced approach.

"There's got to be a shared narrative somewhere, and I think there's a sense of men-shaming I suppose," he said.

Sean Mallard said this was certainly the case on campus, with often a vocal and dominating minority of women setting the agenda, and while he appreciated a robust discussion with differing opinions, he called for more respect.

"There is a lack of respect for your peers — women not respecting men," he said.

But Ms Caro said it was important if men wanted to get involved in the discussion, that they listened and learned about what it was like being a woman.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-04-10/m ... ed/9633154

I think both sexes need to wake up. On the one side we have men who think it is ok for other 'men' to play contact sport with their daughters and on the other side we have women hating on men just to try feel some sort of power over them by demeaning them.

Men have roles and women have roles and there is absolutely no need to swap or cross those roles.

We are made male and female for a balance and to come together as such. Not to pit strength against strength and will against will just to feel some sort of power over the opposite sex.

What's wrong with respecting each other's strengths and/or weaknesses and coming together to make a whole. A whole that neither sex can make on its own. Men and women fit together and together they grow stronger. What the hell is wrong with that?

Well said

[sprintcyclist]

Men are often unsupported by other men.
A good example is how some men treat other men in chatrooms.
There is no 'reasonableness' given at all. It is very aggressive.

We are discriminated against in many ways.

[BigP]

But by that reasoning women can always compensate in that area lol

Correct, men are obsolete in regards to reproduction, We are merely sex and lawn bots,

[Black Orchid]

Men are often unsupported by other men.
A good example is how some men treat other men in chatrooms.
There is no 'reasonableness' given at all. It is very aggressive.

We are discriminated against in many ways.

Same can be said about women in online chatrooms too. I think that has more to do with the feeling of delusional power some people seem to perceive from behind their keyboards. Generally this equates to their feelings of lack of control/power in their real lives so they lash out online trying to demean those whom they feel threatened by.